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Noun: A canned eat product made mostly from ham

Verb: Sending the same messages indiscriminately to the masses using the Internet as your vehicle

You don’t have to be an Internet junkie to know  ‘spam’. This crap lives in our inboxes. But not everyone knows that years ago the word ‘spam’ had nothing to do with either the Internet or emails. Well, not anyone born before 1975 but I digress here.

The correct term for ‘Spam’ would be that it is an acronym. I’d prefer verbiage meat byproduct because the word is actually derived from two other words ‘spiced’ and ‘ham’. Way way back before most of you were born, a company by the name of Hormel Foods Corporation started selling out-of-date meat. (Nice to see that not too much has changed in 76 years) Well, at first, we refused to buy this unappetizing product so to avoid financial losses so good ole Mr. Hormel had to beat the bushes for a sucker.

Enter into the fray the armed forces, specifically speaking the US Army & Navy. The Air Force was way too smart for Mr. Hormel. They wanted exclusive rights.

Just prior to WWII , Hormel Foods began to supply its products to American and allied troops. After World War II, those pesky Brits were still drowning in the grips of an economic crisis, and since spam was one of the few meat products that wasn’t rationed, I’m sure by now you have already figured out the “byproduct” of this union. The writer, George Orwell, in his book ‘1984’, described spam as ‘pink meat pieces’. Yummy. To further this images, Monty Python’s Flying Circus once portrayed a sketch set in a café where nearly every item on the menu included spam. (Does anyone remember SNL? Pepsi! Pepsi! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!) As the waiter recited the SPAM-filled menu, a chorus of Vikings (Not the Minnesota football fans but on second thought, I’m sure some of them were) drowned out all other conversation with a song repeating “SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! Lovely SPAM! Wonderful SPAM!”, hence being the first two-legged creatures to utter the indignation that would later ‘SPAM’ our Internet dialogue. Since then, the verb spam, has been associated with unwanted, obtrusive, excessive intrusions onto our everyday lives. Sounds like my ex-inlaws. I did say ex…what a nice ring that has Spam! Spam! Spam!

Another Hardroc tidbit. Back on a cold dark rainy night in April of 1994, a husband-and-wife team of lawyers, Canter & Siegel, posted the first massive spam mailing, thus giving a start to commercial spam.

Lawyers…who’d of thunk it?

Here are some of my favorites:

Cash Loan Sevices (I should be a millionaire by now languishing in Aruba but these clowns cannot spel worth a damn)

Christian Mingle Services  (See below)

Dailey Horoscope   (I’m supposed to come into money and meet the person of my dreams today)

E-Cigarettes  ( As opposed to C-Cigarettes?)

View my pics from secret wife affairs (I unspammed this one…but then respammed it)

Boost testosterone (I un-spammed this one)

Yaz injury settlement  (The only “Yaz” I knew played baseball for the Red Sox)

Dr. Riya Hawkins We can allow you to conquer any woman! (I’ve heard that BS before…and I know for a fact this is spam)

Birthday Calendar 2013  Your friend Betz sent you a request on FB (I personally know this guy is doing 5 to 10 upstate)

Mexico Free Lottery  Winning 1.5 million ATM MasterCard donation (I’m freaking rich!!!!!!  See ya later suckers!!! # 3 came true!!!)

M.Mouline  Limpness spoiling your life? (Did they have a camera at Applebees? Those green beans were wayyyyy overdone)

Teeters@tardfsd.com/vverad  Payroll invoice (Ok…who did I forget to pay now?)  (P.S> That’s not a real address…or maybe it is)

Fyellets  Potcy hadnes viagbreaa met woan of your drems toay  (A secret test right? A coded message? Lassie…where are they girl?)

Phoenix University (I think everyone gets this one)

2013 vaginal mesh patch FDA alert (????)

Match  (Meet the women of my dreams…see one of those above that fits)

VA Loans  (I was never in the military unless you counting picking off plastic soldiers with a BB gun)

SENSA (Eat yourself skinny?  Might look into this one…better un-process meat this baby)

Credit Score Check ( I might want to…nah)

mm59D3 (my very own personal viaagagra salesman)

AIG direct life (these guys are working hard to pay off Uncle Sam…so they can throw more exec parties)

Miracle or Scam. Free trials. (Nah…this one is too easy)

April Wanna chat on FB? (I used to know a cute redhead named April in the tenth grade…Mmmmmmm)

Natural Health Sherpa. Can you pull up your shirt and pinch an inch?  (well, duh….can you make a shoe smell?)

Natie  Erotizer for men  (She might be April’s evil twin sister)

Melissa  Problems in the bedroom? Acquire libido simulators from Mexico Store (I think that’s April and Natie’s naughty mom again)

4G cell phones  (I don’t even have a 1G cell phone)

Express Pharmacy  Best price on all drugs  No Spam  (Finally, I found a legit website!)

Mark  Fighting erectile dysfunction? (Now…I’m pissed…note to self..no more mindless net scrolling…get back to work writing)